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life is a journey through a desert. John Miller

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  • September 2006
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Joke of the day

Posted by thesinger on September 19, 2006

That’s right, it’s time for another joke. This one also comes from GCFL.net
It’s called “If Noah had to build the ark in 2006.”

And the Lord spoke to Noah and said, “In one year, I am
going to make it rain, and the rain shall not stop until it
submerges the entire earth and all living flesh is
destroyed. Because of this, I want you to save the righteous
people and two of every living species on earth. Therefore,
I am commanding you to build an Ark.”

In a flash of lightning, God delivered the specifications
for an Ark. Daunted by this task, but respectful of God’s
wishes, Noah took the plans and agreed to build the Ark.
“Remember,” said the Lord, “you must complete and fill the
Ark in one year’s time.”

Exactly one year later, fierce storm clouds covered the
earth and all the seas of the earth went into turmoil. The
Lord saw that Noah was sitting in his front yard weeping.

“Noah!” He shouted. “Where is the Ark?”

“Lord, please forgive me, ” cried Noah. “I did my best, but
there were big problems.

“First I had to get a permit for construction, and your
plans did not meet the building codes. I had to hire an
engineering firm and redraw the plans.

“Then I got into a fight with OSHA over whether or not the
Ark needed a sprinkler system and approved floatation
devices.

“Then my neighbor objected, claiming I was violating zoning
ordinances by building the Ark in my front yard, so I had to
get a variance from the city planning commission.

“Then I had problems getting enough wood for the Ark because
there was a ban on cutting trees to protect the Spotted Owl.
I finally convinced the U.S. Forest Service that I really
needed the wood to save the owls. However, the Fish and
Wildlife Service won’t let me take the two owls.

“The carpenters formed a union and went on strike. I had to
negotiate a settlement with the National Labor Relations
Board before anyone would pick up a saw or hammer. Now I
have 16 carpenters on the Ark but still no owls.

“When I started rounding up the other animals, an animal
rights group sued me. They objected to me taking only two of
each kind aboard. This suit is pending.

“Meanwhile, the EPA notified me that I could not complete
the Ark without filing an environmental impact statement on
your proposed flood. They didn’t take very kindly to the
idea.

“Then the Army Corps of Engineers demanded a map of the
proposed flood plain. I sent them a globe.

“Right now, I am trying to resolve a complaint filed by the
Equal Employment Opportunity Commission that I am practicing
discrimination by not taking atheists aboard.

“The IRS has seized my assets, claiming that I’m building
the Ark in preparation to flee the country to avoid paying
the state some kind of user tax that I owe them and that I
failed to register the Ark as a ‘recreational water craft.’

“And finally, the ACLU got the courts to issue an injunction
against further construction of the Ark, saying that since
God is flooding the Earth, it’s a religious event, and
therefore unconstitutional.

“I really don’t think I can finish the Ark for another five
or six years.”

Noah waited.

The sky began to clear, the sun began to shine, and the seas
began to calm. A rainbow arced across the sky.

Noah looked up hopefully. “You mean you’re not going to
destroy the earth, Lord?”

“No,” He said sadly. “I don’t have to. The government
already has.”

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